In this past week I’ve gone to two women’s events that addressed identity and lies. One was a larger group of women and another was a small group of friends. Women were sharing what lies had taken over their thoughts and then we would pray over them. They were both powerful, and it was amazing to see the communities of women so eager to stand by each others’ side in moments of vulnerabilty and truth. Yet, at both I struggled to think of “lies” I was believing. I felt secure in my identity, sure of who I was and what I believed. I wasn’t even sure what kind of lies I would be telling myself. Wouldn’t I know right away if I was lying to myself? I did’t share at all at the first event and at the second I shared something else on my heart.
But when I got home after the second event, and throughout the next day, the lies all began to surface in my mind. I am not strong enough to handle the tasks ahead of me. People will never take me seriously because I’m young and don’t seem “tough.” My quiet demeanor makes me a less impactful friend/leader/mentor. I am expected to always be, or at least appear, happy. No one cares about or wants to read the things I write. After barely being able to think of anything on two different occassions, the length of the list I journaled out was astonishing. All these things (and more) I had engrained so deep into my thought pattern that I recognized them as at least a little bit of truth.
No one has ever said any of these things to me or purposefully tried to make me believe them. They were all things I had put on myself, others’ words I had twisted, fears I had made reality in my mind, and lies the enemy tried to plant in my heart. And I had given them power by refusing to acknowledge their existence. Things I thought I had given to God were still caught in a white-knuckle grasp in my fists. I had told myself I had given certain things to God without giving Him the space to speak into any of them. But as much as we would all like it to be true, ignoring a problem does not eradicate its existence.
So this week I found out I have some work to do. I have issues to address and things to talk about with God. Things I need to actually let Him speak into, not just verbally saying I’ve given them to Him. I can’t give Him my whole heart if I’m hiding half of it from Him.
I encourage you to think about your own lies. What are you convincing yourself is true about you? What hurtful things are you repeating to yourself? Think through them, pray through them, journal some out. You can’t live in total freedom if you’ve chained yourself down. Allow yourself to work through these things, allow God to show you who you are to Him, and remember your identity rests securely in Him.